Girls' Night.

Girls' night...they're essential for every girl's well-being.

Last night, my friend April and I planned a girls' night for us two.

Some people may wonder why we would want to hang out with each other when we already spend 8+ hours a day working together at Christ's Church of the Valley. However, for us, we felt it was an essential step to take for our friendship.

Sometimes you just need to hang out with a person OUTSIDE the "usual" environment in order to best understand and appreciate her personality and uniqueness.

Although we both admitted at work that day that we felt exhausted beyond comprehension, we stayed committed to each other to have a Friday night sleepover-just like those good ole' middle school days! We ended up going to the Philadelphia Premium Outlets together with intentions of looking for matching outfits for STRETCH, a middle-school conference that takes place July 10th-July 12th. Of course, knowing us two, our search for outfits quickly disintegrated with our indecisiveness of what to get or why we were actually getting outfits and whether we should pursue the idea all together!

Instead, we ended up walking around the outlets and talking for an hour and a half. Talks of events at work, personal matters, issues at work, relationships, reflections of work and fun memories scattered our conversations. We continued our chats at home; talking about budgeting, work, humiliating ourselves with the Nintendo Wii, talking more about work, and of course, sitting by each other's bed at 2am ending the night as every girls' night ends...with talks about boys.

By the next morning, we both realized just how much CCV had invaded in on our girls' night. HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO NOT TALK ABOUT WORK WITH A CO-WORKER, EVEN ON A GIRLS' NIGHT! Realizing how much of our conversation centered around what were doing at CCV, we decided that our next girls' night would be "CCV Convo Free."

Really though, how do you develop a boundary between a healthy amount of talk and overwhelming a conversation with "work?" It's difficult when you work with your best friends-I want to share my thoughts about work with April, but at the same time, I don't want either of us to feel like our entire friendship revolves around work!

Regardless, April and I had a wonderful time. We're really learning more about each other and ourselves daily through the friendship that God is allowing to blossom between the two of us. It's incredible to have a friend who shares the same passion to be a strong warrior for Christ and His kingdom.

I'm sure that there will be plenty of girls' nights to come...CCV or no CCV convos included! :)

Answers.

I can't promise that this post will be an easy one to follow.

In fact, I've got so many thoughts chasing through my mind right now that I definitely know that this post is going to be more like "throwing up via online publishing."

Yuck.

With that mentioned, I just can't help but share some of the things that I'm trying hard to reflect on. I think I'll just bullet each one as they come to mind.

• What is it about "doing ministry" that leaves me feeling so tired on Fridays?



• Have I been held back? Have I been doing the holding?



• What does it take to be truly confident in something...or someone?



• What's with competition? Who started that idea? How did it become so big? Why do so many people seem controlled by it?



• Where will I be in 3 years? 2 years? Next May?



• What is beauty? Why do so many girls not feel beautiful?



• Am I ready for marriage?



• What are my talents? Am I using my gifts?



• How long will it be before I figure out how to see myself as God sees me?

I'm very grateful for the conversations that I've been engaged with over the past few weeks. I hope and pray that I will continue to ask myself difficult questions like these and reflect upon them so to grow and transform. I know it seems overwhelming at the moment, all these questions, opportunities, doors that are opening and swinging back and forth...I just need to remember that God is hard at work on me during this time, and that is such a blessing!

Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." [Matthew 11:28]

He is on my side.

So why am I so concerned about answers?

Answers.

I hate animals.

Call me insensitive, tell me I don't have a heart, scowl at me if you'd like, but I don't like pets.

I'm not sure if it's the idea of spending extra money on their food, care, or cleaning, or the extra effort and time that goes into caring for an animal, or just the thought of a dirty house with more hair and "presents" than are necessary lying around, my passion for pets are slim to none.

In fact, in the last couple of weeks, I've gotten upset at the thought of my boyfriend admitting that he'd like to have a husky when he's older. He used to be on my side! We used to bond over our hatred for animals!

However, I do have a confession to make.

Tonight, while reluctantly checking on the cats at my mom's house (she has the pleasure of being in Tennessee on our youth group's Christ in Youth conference), I sympathized, petted, and kissed, yes, even kissed one of my cats!

Let me explain.

You see, my one cat has a broken leg, and the poor thing's leg is wrapped in a neon green cast. It's the cutest and most heart-breaking sight I've seen. I couldn't help but feel my heart crumble for the thing.

I couldn't believe what I was doing. As one minute slid into another, I easily became wrapped up in sympathizing for this animal that I usually wouldn't be caught dead showing feelings for! As I sat stroking the cat's chin, listening to her purr, I wondered how my childhood love for pets (cats in particular) transformed into a selfish ignorance for the care of animals. Am I that horrible? Selfish? Un-merciful?

I really don't want to be thought of as selfish, or uncaring, or "Melissa-focused." For a minute, I even considered the thought of owning a cat if I ever lived by myself after college. It would certainly make for a nice roommate, at least until marriage.

I can't believe I just admitted that and published it on the web.

Maybe my feelings for animals are starting to change? Do tonight's actions reflect a change in my character? I hope so! Regardless, I'm glad that I'm realizing that taking ten minutes to love a pet isn't a waste. I feel like I'm really beginning to appreciate "down time," even with animals.

I'm still not sure about a huskie though. I'm not a fan of slobber.
Cats in casts though...they've won over my heart.

Responsibilities

I love Mondays.

I know, it's not too often that someone will admit that she loves Mondays. For most, Mondays symbolize the start of a new week at work or at school; the day of the week that is least fun.

Not the case at CCV. Mondays are off days, and after days like Sundays, Mondays are awesome.

For the past few weeks, my Mondays have consisted of 1) sleeping in as late as possible, 2)squaring away my financial business, laundry, and schedule for the week, 3) reading by the pool deck, and 4) finding ways to spend evening time with my parents and brothers.

Mondays keep me sane. Mondays allow me time to think. Mondays help me to unwind.

Today, I spent much of my Monday doing #2 "squaring away my financial business." Knowing that I had to update my budget, I spent more time than I'm willing to admit between my Microsoft Excel worksheets and Wachovia's online banking pages. Money here-money there-responsibility, responsibility, responsibility. What is it about responsibilities that make life seem so...heavy?

"If I only hadn't gone on that Mexico trip," I thought, "I wouldn't be paying back my first credit card payment. If I had only watched how much money I was using while at school, I wouldn't have to start my summer savings at zero. If only I had paid more attention to my financial aid and savings options, I wouldn't have loans to pay back-that I didn't even realize I had!"

How do we find the balance between facing the responsibilities that life throws our way and wanting to live "spontaneously?" Will I ever feel like I'm not playing "catch up?"

See what happens when I allow myself time to think and unwind? These are the questions that I think of! (No wonder I'm usually more comfortable just...doing.)

So, because I've forced myself to ponder some of these questions, I feel it is not fair to myself if I don't likewise take the time to process through some answers.

Here's what I came up with:

1) Having a written budget is a lot more important that I realized. It's also a lot EASIER than I realized, too! I wish I had known the benefits of having a written budget BEFORE I entered college. I DEFINITELY would have saved myself a lot more money if I realized how much I was spending on Chick Fil-A and DQ runs with my girls all the time!

2) I really love my parents.

3) Even though I look back now and wonder how I could have wasted so much money, there is no better way to learn. I learned today that If I had not chosen to attend CCV's Mexico mission trip in May, I would not have had to spend close to $350 on airline tickets, deposits, etc. If I hadn't attend the trip, I wouldn't have had 3 overdraft protection fees of over $50, my savings account wouldn't have dropped to zero, and I wouldn't have been charged $107 to a credit card that I forget I even owned. HOWEVER, without facing the facts of what that decision financially cost me (haha..cost, get it!?), I wouldn't have asked my boyfriend to help me design a budget and I wouldn't have FINALLY worked up the guts to talk to a financial manager at Wachovia about how to appropriate use (and pay) for payments using my credit card. (You see, I bought a credit card 2 YEARS ago to try and become "responsible with credit," but have been too afraid to actually use it since then. Until today, even the security sticker remained on the card in the same pocket of my wallet.)

Most importantly though, I realized how essential it is to remember that responsibility (particularly financial responsibility) shouldn't dictate how much "fun" we have in our lives. I've gained far more from my experience in Mexico than just a financial revelation about how to manage my bank account. The memories that I have of midnight Sonic runs and Walmart scavenger hunts with my girlfriends are far more important than the $10 that was a part of that memory. I still plan to travel the world with my future husband, vacation every year with my future family, and spend days pampering myself and my friends when needed. (Note: Ice-cream is always needed!)


I've learned that I'll never allow money to stop me from the adventures that God lays ahead, God has far a far greater influence on my life than does money, and I always need to trust that God will provide...sometimes even in the form of a budget.

Text Message

Tonight, I finally did it right.

Well, we finally did it right.

Let me explain.

You see, to be quite honest, this internship is really challenging my ability to know my boundaries between my work life and my personal life. In these past three weeks, I have frequently found myself working over-hours at the church, when I return home to "relax," or even on days off. Because I love and care so deeply about the work that I'm doing, I've quickly discovered that it's difficult for me to leave a job incomplete or unaddressed.

In the past, I've often congratulated myself for my disciplined work ethic-especially while tackling multiple papers, projects, and exams throughout school. (Can anyone say multi-tasker?) Since returning home and with school out of session, I now realize that my driven work ethic has created a messy boundary between work and time spent with my friends and family, one of the major deciding factors for me to return home for the summer. One relationship that has become particularly strained is that between my boyfriend, Adam Flora, and myself. Adam also interns at CCV, and in addition to trying to balance our time together at work compared to outside work, Adam has noticed the very quick exhaustion that has crept upon me because of overextending myself.

So today, Adam did what only the best boyfriends of the 21st Century do to help a damsel in distress.

He texted me, asking me out to dinner.
"You need it," he replied. "And you're absolutely not allowed to talk about work."

Now I'll admit, I'm still missing the romance of a text-message date, but I was very excited at the thought of going out to dinner. And as the story continued, Adam picked me up from the church at 8pm (as I was finishing a worship practice), drove to Ortino's Northside Restaurant (and old favorite of mine), and we enjoyed a night full of conversation and laughs together.

Time together-outside of work-not doing work. The medicine cured me perfectly.

I love how God creatively places people in our lives to help us better understand His bigger picture. It is so easy to become wrapped up in the "work life," especially at a great place like CCV. Yet, my job-CCV-is not my life. It is only a part of my life.

The other part-time with my friends and family-time with my boyfriend-time for myself-is and equally, if not more important part of God's bigger picture.

I'm beginning to put the pieces together...slowly.

I'm finally beginning to do it right.

I cannot wait until my next romantic text-message dinner invitation. :)

the start of something new...again.

I find myself frequently writing that phrase in my journals; "the start of something new."

Most often, the one-liner will come when I've vowed to change a habit or adopt a new "lifestyle change" to make myself what we all seem to strive for-" a better person."

Often, those starts last merely days, sometimes only hours.

This summer, summer of 2008, I've accepted an internship position (along with four others) at Christ Church of the Valley in Royersford, PA. The internship heavily focuses on children's and youth ministries as well as involves the execution of camp/conference ministry. Of course, we can never neglect the "sudden intern work" that occasionally pops up now and then; flyers, storage runs, administration work-no two days are ever the same.

Within this three month experience, my supervisor, Frank Chiapperino, has suggested that each of us interns creates and maintains a blog throughout the summer. "If not for anything else," he mentioned, "I want you to have record of your thoughts and feelings throughout this experience."

Frank's expecting us to blog three times a week.

In previous blogs, I've struggled to write once every two weeks.

Regardless of my doubts, I'm up for the challenge, knowing the necessity of allowing one's self to reflect about experiences, conversations, or just...randomness and to share these thoughts with others.

I cannot promise that my blogs will always be interesting. I do hope, however, to always make them truthful, honest, and although a risk for myself, a bit transparent. This past year has been a significant one in feeling that God's truly been "working" on me to create in me a new image. I have for myself three goals throughout this blogging experience:

1. To feel comfortable sharing thoughts that may not always paint a "perfect picture" of myself.
2. To find joy in disciplining myself to reflect and record my thoughts.
3. To share in understanding how God sees me when no one else is watching through writing about my experiences.


"...the start of something new...again."