Why are there so many people hurting in this world...?
...and why can't I help them?
Let me change that.
Why are there so many people hurting in my world, and why do I fail to help them?
I wish there was a way that I could help make every marriage and relationship perfect, that I could help make every family love each other and spend time together, that I could help every teenager and young adult value themselves...
I wish I felt like I was actually doing something.
But I'm doubting myself.
I'm doubting God's timing, I'm doubting God's promises, I'm doubting God's work through me, and I'm doubting the fruit that I can't see being planted right now because I'm too busy worrying over if I'm tossing enough seeds.
What is it about doubt that just...sucks so much?
John 20:27 says "stop doubting and believe." Perfect memory verse, yet much easier said than done! When will I actually learn to use the word of God as offense to questions and feelings like these? When am I going to stop worrying about doubting myself so that I can believe in God? When will I truly live out the reality that my life isn't about me, but is about serving Him?
"Stop doubting and believe."
[Okay, okay, okay...breathe.]
Although slowly-sometimes, very slowly, I'm learning that God allows for experiences, conversations, and people to interrupt the "perfect plans" of our live so that we can be reminded-again and again and again and again-who ACTUALLY is in control. Sometimes-most times-it is so easy to feel frustrated by a "lack of performance" to help people. Many times, I quickly become discouraged at these moments because of my weaknesses and incompetency. Yet, these are the beautiful moments where-if we believe-we can trust God to handle our situations in His perfect timing.
I'm learning.
Slowly but surely.
"Stop doubting and believe."
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Teaching, Ministry, or...?
When I was 5 years old, I remember spending all of my time in front of a 2ft high x 3ft long black chalkboard that my dad nailed into the wall to display before my "classroom." The classroom, full of young, bright students consisted of none other than a variety of fisher price tables, desks, and chairs with stuffed animals of every color, animal, and shape. My younger brother, John, was the brightest of them all. He always scored well on his weekly spelling test, aced his geography questions, and completed mathematical equations "to the T."
Hours of "playing school" carried me through years of actually attending school and dreaming at every chance possible the day when I would have my own real classroom.
I was a teacher. Always.
That is, until middle-school.
I remember thinking in 8th grade that I was meant to be something "different than a teacher." I remember thinking that I wanted to be someone that was extraordinary; someone that was unusual; someone that would enter a career unfamiliar to most. I desired a job completely different than the typical teacher.
I remember exploring the possibilities of being a fitness director, a personal trainer, a counselor, a nutritionist, a wedding planner-a professional scrap-booker? (I wish.) It wasn't until my senior year of high school, however, when I came across that "extraordinary" experience that's continued to challenge my dream to teach ever since.
I discovered ministry.
In the fall of 2004, I made a firm decision to begin attending Christ's Church of the Valley's high school youth group, Riot. When visiting the youth ministry on my first visit, I remember telling the youth minister, "I could do this. How do I get involved with something like this?"
From that point forward, I began a very active role as an involved teenager within not only the youth group, but the church's Sunday morning children's program; Valley Kids. Immediately I fell in love with the idea of "ministry," and by May 2005, I signed up for a one month high-school internship.
I never forgot my glorified short-lived youth ministry experience, and that summer, I was inspired by the children's minister's skills and talents to teach hundreds of children God's word with such energy and ease. Despite my rather considerate scholarship to a local Pennsylvania liberal arts college, I spent many days that summer exploring Christian school programs for youth and children's ministry. No changes. I left that summer to pursue an elementary education degree at Albright College.
Since then, the joys of ministry have not since left my mind.
After years of continued deliberation between my passion for teaching and my passion for ministry, I was excited this past spring to receive a summer internship within the departments of youth and children's ministry at Christ's Church of the Valley. "Finally!" I celebrated. "An opportunity for me to discern my passions and true calling!"
Yea.
Right.
Don't we all wish it was that easy?
Only a few weeks away from completing my internship, I find myself in no easier of a decision making process than weeks, months, or years before. I've had moments where I couldn't ever imagine even comparing ministry to teaching at a public school. I love this job, I think. I'm good at it, and I could see myself helping to grow this ministry. Yet, I've had other moments where I can't wait until the internship finishes its end so that I can return to Albright College to finish my education program, student teach, and pursue my "true calling" of teaching.
In all honesty, most of the latter moments have stirred from frustrations of feeling incompetent in a specific ministry role.
I've never more easily convinced that I can't do something than in ministry.
Ministry is a lot more difficult than many people know, or think, or care to know or think about!
But for some reason, no matter how many times I think "I can't do ministry," or "I'm just fit to be a teacher," or "this isn't for me," my passion never goes away.
Frustrating.
So I wonder, do I feel a call on my heart to pursue vocational ministry or do I feel a call to do "ministry" while teaching?
Knowing my personality, I wish I knew.
For now, as my internship with children's and youth ministry comes to a close, I plan to collect as
much wisdom, guidance, and experience as possible from the extremely talented staff members at CCV. Come August 17th, I'll be returning to Albright College to finish my last year of college, in which I'll be student teaching in inner-city Reading, PA in the spring of 2009. From there, only God knows.
It's a scary thing to admit that-"only God knows." For 12+ years of my educational career, I've known what to aim for, achieve, and expect of the future to follow. This is one year, one decision, one future that I truly need to learn to give to God.
I hope I'm ready.
I'm glad God is.
Hours of "playing school" carried me through years of actually attending school and dreaming at every chance possible the day when I would have my own real classroom.
I was a teacher. Always.
That is, until middle-school.
I remember thinking in 8th grade that I was meant to be something "different than a teacher." I remember thinking that I wanted to be someone that was extraordinary; someone that was unusual; someone that would enter a career unfamiliar to most. I desired a job completely different than the typical teacher.
I remember exploring the possibilities of being a fitness director, a personal trainer, a counselor, a nutritionist, a wedding planner-a professional scrap-booker? (I wish.) It wasn't until my senior year of high school, however, when I came across that "extraordinary" experience that's continued to challenge my dream to teach ever since.
I discovered ministry.
In the fall of 2004, I made a firm decision to begin attending Christ's Church of the Valley's high school youth group, Riot. When visiting the youth ministry on my first visit, I remember telling the youth minister, "I could do this. How do I get involved with something like this?"
From that point forward, I began a very active role as an involved teenager within not only the youth group, but the church's Sunday morning children's program; Valley Kids. Immediately I fell in love with the idea of "ministry," and by May 2005, I signed up for a one month high-school internship.
I never forgot my glorified short-lived youth ministry experience, and that summer, I was inspired by the children's minister's skills and talents to teach hundreds of children God's word with such energy and ease. Despite my rather considerate scholarship to a local Pennsylvania liberal arts college, I spent many days that summer exploring Christian school programs for youth and children's ministry. No changes. I left that summer to pursue an elementary education degree at Albright College.
Since then, the joys of ministry have not since left my mind.
After years of continued deliberation between my passion for teaching and my passion for ministry, I was excited this past spring to receive a summer internship within the departments of youth and children's ministry at Christ's Church of the Valley. "Finally!" I celebrated. "An opportunity for me to discern my passions and true calling!"
Yea.
Right.
Don't we all wish it was that easy?
Only a few weeks away from completing my internship, I find myself in no easier of a decision making process than weeks, months, or years before. I've had moments where I couldn't ever imagine even comparing ministry to teaching at a public school. I love this job, I think. I'm good at it, and I could see myself helping to grow this ministry. Yet, I've had other moments where I can't wait until the internship finishes its end so that I can return to Albright College to finish my education program, student teach, and pursue my "true calling" of teaching.
In all honesty, most of the latter moments have stirred from frustrations of feeling incompetent in a specific ministry role.
I've never more easily convinced that I can't do something than in ministry.
Ministry is a lot more difficult than many people know, or think, or care to know or think about!
But for some reason, no matter how many times I think "I can't do ministry," or "I'm just fit to be a teacher," or "this isn't for me," my passion never goes away.
Frustrating.
So I wonder, do I feel a call on my heart to pursue vocational ministry or do I feel a call to do "ministry" while teaching?
Knowing my personality, I wish I knew.
For now, as my internship with children's and youth ministry comes to a close, I plan to collect as
much wisdom, guidance, and experience as possible from the extremely talented staff members at CCV. Come August 17th, I'll be returning to Albright College to finish my last year of college, in which I'll be student teaching in inner-city Reading, PA in the spring of 2009. From there, only God knows.
It's a scary thing to admit that-"only God knows." For 12+ years of my educational career, I've known what to aim for, achieve, and expect of the future to follow. This is one year, one decision, one future that I truly need to learn to give to God.
I hope I'm ready.
I'm glad God is.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Escape 2008
As a young adult interested in working with children and teenagers, I often receive the question,"What age-group of youth do you enjoy working with?"
More often than not, I answer that "although I love working with all ages (K-18, that is), I especially love middle-schoolers because they're not afraid to be energized, enthusiastic, and ask questions about life, God, and 'how all the pieces fit together'."
Because of this, I often find myself sitting in on the middle school services (Impact), hanging out with the middle school students, and attending middle-school break-out sessions within youth conference trips.
And although I love the maturity of high-schoolers, I rarely find myself with an opportunity to bond with them.
Similarly to the Kids' Camp and Stretch conferences that our church hosted this summer, CCV (for its first time ever) hosted a high-school "getaway" conference from July 21st-July 23rd at Black Rock Retreat Camp in Quarryville, PA. When I heard about the opportunity to travel alongside 46 of our high school students, I quickly became excited at the possibility of knowing this age-group closer.
The conference was a great success. Our guest speaker, Jeffery Dean, challenged the students to "share the latest with God" by finding ways to live out God's truth in scripture targeting teenage issues including body image, self-esteem, dating, sexual relationships, honesty, humility, sacrifice, and much more. It was neat to meet with students to discuss their thoughts, feelings, and questions as they felt God pouring insights on their hearts. One of my favorite times to walk around and observe the students involved "quiet time," a time of prayer and scripture study.
Outside of session time and small groups, it was encouraging to see teenagers bonding together; whether at meals times, during free times, or after hours in the room; some of the greatest memories of the trip rest in the hours of watching teens experience life together.
Upon asking the students what improvements could be made for next year, nearly every student answered, "It's not long enough!"
It makes me wonder though-do we always have to Escape just to experience moments like these where we feel God moving and working?
I sure hope not.
I pray that one day, the students will feel just as comfortable, excited, and enthusiastic to hear and experience God at their own youth group service as they did at Escape 2008. It's encouraging to see how closely teens are searching God when guided in the chances, the opportunities, and the time to pursue him.
Check out our latest video from our high school retreat, Escape 2008!
More often than not, I answer that "although I love working with all ages (K-18, that is), I especially love middle-schoolers because they're not afraid to be energized, enthusiastic, and ask questions about life, God, and 'how all the pieces fit together'."
Because of this, I often find myself sitting in on the middle school services (Impact), hanging out with the middle school students, and attending middle-school break-out sessions within youth conference trips.
And although I love the maturity of high-schoolers, I rarely find myself with an opportunity to bond with them.
Similarly to the Kids' Camp and Stretch conferences that our church hosted this summer, CCV (for its first time ever) hosted a high-school "getaway" conference from July 21st-July 23rd at Black Rock Retreat Camp in Quarryville, PA. When I heard about the opportunity to travel alongside 46 of our high school students, I quickly became excited at the possibility of knowing this age-group closer.
The conference was a great success. Our guest speaker, Jeffery Dean, challenged the students to "share the latest with God" by finding ways to live out God's truth in scripture targeting teenage issues including body image, self-esteem, dating, sexual relationships, honesty, humility, sacrifice, and much more. It was neat to meet with students to discuss their thoughts, feelings, and questions as they felt God pouring insights on their hearts. One of my favorite times to walk around and observe the students involved "quiet time," a time of prayer and scripture study.
Outside of session time and small groups, it was encouraging to see teenagers bonding together; whether at meals times, during free times, or after hours in the room; some of the greatest memories of the trip rest in the hours of watching teens experience life together.
Upon asking the students what improvements could be made for next year, nearly every student answered, "It's not long enough!"
It makes me wonder though-do we always have to Escape just to experience moments like these where we feel God moving and working?
I sure hope not.
I pray that one day, the students will feel just as comfortable, excited, and enthusiastic to hear and experience God at their own youth group service as they did at Escape 2008. It's encouraging to see how closely teens are searching God when guided in the chances, the opportunities, and the time to pursue him.
Check out our latest video from our high school retreat, Escape 2008!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Kids' Camp BIG TOP Video
Although a bit delayed, here's a video peek from our chidren's summer camp, KIDS' CAMP BIG TOP! This year, CCV reached out to 959 children! God is so BIG! Enjoy!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Kids' Camp Reflections
Finally, a bit of time to reflect.
These past few weeks at CCV have been a whirlwind between organizing CCV's 3 summer camps: STRETCH (middle-school students), KIDS' CAMP BIG TOP (children 4 years old-5th grade), and ESCAPE (high-school students). I FINALLY feel like I have a few minutes to reflect on my experiences within each, especially last week's production: KIDS' CAMP BIG TOP!
Knowing that I would be interning this summer, I was looking forward to helping out at another Kids' Camp, especially since I missed out on last year's pirate-themed camp because of my internship with Christ In Youth (CIY). To my surprise, little did I realize to what extent my involvement would entail.
I quickly became a part of the camp's drama, a 7-10 minute production that is performed for the children each year in order to illustrate the camp's themes, bible verses, and points of team-time conversation for the day. My role: I played a janitor at BIG TOP'S carnival whom always dreamed of being a tight-rope walker. After dreaming "big" on the first day and realizing that "big dreams come with big challenges," I was able to achieve my dream by day three, understanding that "God can do more than we can ever imagine!"
I admit, I admit, it was a lot of fun to be one of the "stars" for a few days. It was neat to see the kids' excitement when I high-five, danced, or engaged in conversations with them. I loved acting on-stage, off-stage, and taking the chance to "be bold" when ad-libbing lines with the cast. Whether acting, speaking, or getting the kids excited, it felt so natural to be on stage. I couldn't have asked for a more enjoyable time or a better way in which I was able to exercise my God-given gifts.
My favorite and most memorable moment of all of camp occurred on the third day. Spur of the moment, I had decided to sit on-top one of the scaffolding pieces that sat on the top right part of our staging area to make the illusion that I had walked across the tight-rope that stretched across the auditorium ceiling. While children came in, I waved and during songs, I clapped and swayed. (Believe me, I wasn't planning on doing much more while sitting on a small pole that helped my bottom side feel in existent within a matter of minutes.)During the song "Your Words are Life," I embraced the moment of watching 500+ children (in the older session) jump up and down to the words in the chorus.
I had tears in my eyes.
Tight-rope walkers don't cry!
They do when witnessing something miraculous.
You know, it's incredible how the lessons that we choose to teach to such a young audience can be so applicable to our own lives. This year's theme, "Big Dreams" couldn't have been more "real" to my own situation. I know that God's allowed me to dream big dreams, not only for MJ the tight-rope walker, but MJ, Melissa Jaworski, the girl who LOVES the energy of children and students, the girl who LOVES to speak, sing, dance, act, and goof around to help make a Godly lasting impression in students' minds, the girl who'll admit that she's LOVES organization and administration, and the girl who over the course of her life time hopes to touch the lives of millions of people in "ways that she could never imagine."
I know that He's allowed me to dream big dreams-and this year's Kids' Camp has reminded me of the importance of that 1) God gives us strength to dream big dreams (Philippians 4:13), God is with us wherever we go, even through the challenging times (Joshua 1:9), and God can do more than we can ever imagine (Ephesians 4:20).
I'm glad that what God has planned is more than I can imagine, because I'm ready to take some daring chances to put myself on the line for a God so big, so strong, so courageous, and so creative.
God's a man of His Word.
I pray that one day, He'll have tears in His eyes while watching from His own "scaffolding" the dancing and singing going on below Him.
These past few weeks at CCV have been a whirlwind between organizing CCV's 3 summer camps: STRETCH (middle-school students), KIDS' CAMP BIG TOP (children 4 years old-5th grade), and ESCAPE (high-school students). I FINALLY feel like I have a few minutes to reflect on my experiences within each, especially last week's production: KIDS' CAMP BIG TOP!
Knowing that I would be interning this summer, I was looking forward to helping out at another Kids' Camp, especially since I missed out on last year's pirate-themed camp because of my internship with Christ In Youth (CIY). To my surprise, little did I realize to what extent my involvement would entail.
I quickly became a part of the camp's drama, a 7-10 minute production that is performed for the children each year in order to illustrate the camp's themes, bible verses, and points of team-time conversation for the day. My role: I played a janitor at BIG TOP'S carnival whom always dreamed of being a tight-rope walker. After dreaming "big" on the first day and realizing that "big dreams come with big challenges," I was able to achieve my dream by day three, understanding that "God can do more than we can ever imagine!"
I admit, I admit, it was a lot of fun to be one of the "stars" for a few days. It was neat to see the kids' excitement when I high-five, danced, or engaged in conversations with them. I loved acting on-stage, off-stage, and taking the chance to "be bold" when ad-libbing lines with the cast. Whether acting, speaking, or getting the kids excited, it felt so natural to be on stage. I couldn't have asked for a more enjoyable time or a better way in which I was able to exercise my God-given gifts.
My favorite and most memorable moment of all of camp occurred on the third day. Spur of the moment, I had decided to sit on-top one of the scaffolding pieces that sat on the top right part of our staging area to make the illusion that I had walked across the tight-rope that stretched across the auditorium ceiling. While children came in, I waved and during songs, I clapped and swayed. (Believe me, I wasn't planning on doing much more while sitting on a small pole that helped my bottom side feel in existent within a matter of minutes.)During the song "Your Words are Life," I embraced the moment of watching 500+ children (in the older session) jump up and down to the words in the chorus.
I had tears in my eyes.
Tight-rope walkers don't cry!
They do when witnessing something miraculous.
You know, it's incredible how the lessons that we choose to teach to such a young audience can be so applicable to our own lives. This year's theme, "Big Dreams" couldn't have been more "real" to my own situation. I know that God's allowed me to dream big dreams, not only for MJ the tight-rope walker, but MJ, Melissa Jaworski, the girl who LOVES the energy of children and students, the girl who LOVES to speak, sing, dance, act, and goof around to help make a Godly lasting impression in students' minds, the girl who'll admit that she's LOVES organization and administration, and the girl who over the course of her life time hopes to touch the lives of millions of people in "ways that she could never imagine."
I know that He's allowed me to dream big dreams-and this year's Kids' Camp has reminded me of the importance of that 1) God gives us strength to dream big dreams (Philippians 4:13), God is with us wherever we go, even through the challenging times (Joshua 1:9), and God can do more than we can ever imagine (Ephesians 4:20).
I'm glad that what God has planned is more than I can imagine, because I'm ready to take some daring chances to put myself on the line for a God so big, so strong, so courageous, and so creative.
God's a man of His Word.
I pray that one day, He'll have tears in His eyes while watching from His own "scaffolding" the dancing and singing going on below Him.
House-Sitting
There's this great job that's been invented ever since I've become a college-student attending Christ's Church of the Valley.
House-sitting.
That's right, house-sitting. It's a job that entails the responsibility of watching a family's house while they endeavor on vacation, business, etc. ensuring the safety of the family's home. Oh, and I guess if the family has pets, they might need a "watching-over" too.
Of course, pets.
I thought that was just called "pet watching?"
Anyway, house-sitting, pet-watching, name or no name, I LOVE IT!
As a 21-year-old college student preparing to enter into her final year of college and soon begin her very own life, if I could travel back in time and "redesign" my summer-stay, I would specifically schedule my summer so that I was house-sitting each week of the summer with a few "week vacations" staying at my parents' house.
Reason?
Privacy.
Silence.
Sanity-
Okay, okay, I'll stop there. I'm only joking about the last one. (It is not obvious that I just returned from a high-school retreat?) It is wonderful though to have both privacy and silence upon returning home from a hard day's work. I'm now realizing the uniqueness in that time. House-sitting allows for the perfect opportunities for those moments. It's an excuse to get away from the craziness (even that craziness that's sometimes in your own home), and find some hours for yourself.
Today when I returned to the current house that I'm house-sitting, I enjoyed throwing myself on the couch to enjoy Disney's latest "Camp Rock." As much as Myers Briggs will try and convince me that I get my energy from other people (I am a strong extrovert), I cannot deny the essential quiet time that is needed in my life to relax, reflect, and recharge. Whether that time be spent reading, sprawling myself across the couch and watching a short film, browsing the Internet, or simply using a few minutes-or hours-to visit the inside of my eyelids, I love my time.
It's actually addicting.
A few additional reasons to love house-sitting:
-You get paid to hang out in some one's home, eat their food, use their furniture, and play with their children's' toys. Did I mention I love Nintendo Wii?
-You can scope out potential set-ups for room designs, furniture, and home-decorating techniques for your future home.
-You can enjoy living on your own, like at college-without worrying how you're going to pay the rent or get the week's groceries!
Praise God for house-sitting opportunities so that I can learn all about the value of self-quality time...and prepare for my future!
House-sitting.
That's right, house-sitting. It's a job that entails the responsibility of watching a family's house while they endeavor on vacation, business, etc. ensuring the safety of the family's home. Oh, and I guess if the family has pets, they might need a "watching-over" too.
Of course, pets.
I thought that was just called "pet watching?"
Anyway, house-sitting, pet-watching, name or no name, I LOVE IT!
As a 21-year-old college student preparing to enter into her final year of college and soon begin her very own life, if I could travel back in time and "redesign" my summer-stay, I would specifically schedule my summer so that I was house-sitting each week of the summer with a few "week vacations" staying at my parents' house.
Reason?
Privacy.
Silence.
Sanity-
Okay, okay, I'll stop there. I'm only joking about the last one. (It is not obvious that I just returned from a high-school retreat?) It is wonderful though to have both privacy and silence upon returning home from a hard day's work. I'm now realizing the uniqueness in that time. House-sitting allows for the perfect opportunities for those moments. It's an excuse to get away from the craziness (even that craziness that's sometimes in your own home), and find some hours for yourself.
Today when I returned to the current house that I'm house-sitting, I enjoyed throwing myself on the couch to enjoy Disney's latest "Camp Rock." As much as Myers Briggs will try and convince me that I get my energy from other people (I am a strong extrovert), I cannot deny the essential quiet time that is needed in my life to relax, reflect, and recharge. Whether that time be spent reading, sprawling myself across the couch and watching a short film, browsing the Internet, or simply using a few minutes-or hours-to visit the inside of my eyelids, I love my time.
It's actually addicting.
A few additional reasons to love house-sitting:
-You get paid to hang out in some one's home, eat their food, use their furniture, and play with their children's' toys. Did I mention I love Nintendo Wii?
-You can scope out potential set-ups for room designs, furniture, and home-decorating techniques for your future home.
-You can enjoy living on your own, like at college-without worrying how you're going to pay the rent or get the week's groceries!
Praise God for house-sitting opportunities so that I can learn all about the value of self-quality time...and prepare for my future!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
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