What Happened to my Money?

I am officially more broke than I've ever been before.

It's quite an interesting experience, to say in the least.

Since I've begun student teaching, I have not had an opportunity to earn money. Any campus jobs of giving tours or working at the fitness center have been replaced by my time spent with small children (although this is a joke because the majority of children are my size, especially now that I'm in a 6th grade placement). My job at a city after-school program has been replaced with after-school meetings and planning periods. For the first time since I've taken responsibility for my spending, I'm experiencing spending without earning.

The above situation is never a good scenario. Most logical people try to spend money they earn, and even then, that's not always the intention. Because of my need to still pay for gas and food, I've been using my savings to "dish out the dirt," and the money is going quick. Just last night, I was spending some time in Walmart, shopping for a few essentials for this week. Seeing that my college is on "spring break," the college dining service is not providing us with any food for the week (usually I have a 7 meal "flex). Thus, with only a few dollars to spend (my debit card has been out-of-commission for a few weeks-long story), I found myself buying the infamous "cheap foods:" Ramen noodles (12 packs for $2.00), Ramen "to-go" packs (6 for $2.00, perfect for school lunches), a pack of 6 bagels ($2.00), and two boxes of cereal for $3.50. When I arrived at the counter, I found myself wondering what others thought about my purchases. Did they know that I was running low on money? What did they think about me? While pulling out $3.00 worth of change, I even thought, "how embarrassing that I'm paying with change."

It's funny how quick we are to judge others based upon money, sometimes.

Luckily, my thoughts about others opinions and my "embarrassment" quickly subsided with the reality that I just don't have money! A huge aspect of growing comfortable with who I am has been redirecting my thoughts when I naturally surrender to culture's falsity that my outward appearance or performance categorizes my character. These moments have served as the loudest reminders that my worth, my purpose, and "who I am" derives from my faith in God's intentional creation of me and my comfor that he "sees me" as I am-regardless of my circumstance.

After my fiance introduced me to a budget excel worksheet that he created last summer, I've since been recording my spending. I've watched how I've been finding ways to make ends meet without spending dollars on unnecessary items (mostly food trips and occasional shopping trips). Here are some thoughts/reflections/etc regarding my recent personal recession:

• I really don't need as much as I think. Neither do I need as much as I want.
  
• It's interesting how simple shopping becomes when you know you do not have the money to afford careless buying. My recent shopping trips for food have become much quicker, as I'm easily able to breeze by particular aisles, knowing "I just can't afford that now."
• I'm extremely thankful for the times when my parents hand me a $20 bill for gas or offer food from the house. I love you Mom, Dad, and Nancy! Who ever said that part of the relationship had to end when I graduate college? ;)
• There are many ways to be creative with spending-and there are many ways to find loopholes to spending! I'm learning the art of finding resources, especially including friends and family).
• I love/hate money. ;)
  

Ironically, I've found some peace in my "money-less" situation, and have even enjoyed the experience as a test of humility and integrity.

Of course, that's not to say that I expect to live this way forever. In fact, being in this state has pushed me to better understand what my financial situation will be like after college. I just recently read a "life after college explained" book from our alumni office, which discusses saving/earning/spending money, taxes, apartment shopping, job issues, etc. I'm fortunate that my fiance is well-aware of the need for communication about these important topic. Not to mention that we are also well-aware that we have a wedding to pay for! (Talk about creative ways to spend-or not spend, as we prefer.)

I'm excited to see how this experience challenges me to grow; hopefully in wisdom and financially! ;)