The ceremony was wonderfully organized; accompanied by an early dinner, each award recipient was invited to bring three guests. Inviting my mother, father, and step-mother, my family quickly found a table with my best friend, her mom, and few more of our closest guy neighbors. The night proceeded as planned: different students were recognized for an array of awards, from those within the humanities and education, arts and communication, and the sciences. I was blessed to receive five different awards recognizing my scholastic and campus leadership contributions to Albright College.
The Allen McKenny III Memorial Fund Prize recognized my efforts to contribute to the larger community using my knowledge and skills learned in my study of social sciences (psychology). This recognition probably derived from my my presentation of my senior honors thesis: a proposal of Shine, a non-profit organization, targeted at raising young women's self esteem so that they better understand and love themselves, as they were created.
The Alpha Sigma Phi Award in Memory of Chris Anthony '03 and Andrew Snitzer and the David Caramanica Endowed Memorial Award both recognized qualities of integrity, service, leadership, love and appreciation of life, and a concern and caring for family, friends, and the community at large. I was honored to receive these awards with two of my closest peers, Ryan Krauss and Jared Epler.
The final two awards culminated to what is recognized as Albright's "Golden A."
One award, the Alumni Graduation Honor, recognized my enthusiastic participation in academic, social, and religious activities, influencing and promoting aims and objectives of the college.
Similarly, the Golden A recognizes those whom have enriched the cultural life of the College to promote a more congenial atmosphere.
I write all of this not to boast of my accomplishments, although I am very humbled by the recognition that I have received. Instead, I share this to ponder and reflect upon my feelings after receiving recognition.
I was well aware of my behavior after the awards ceremony, sensing what began an evening of fun, excitement, and encouragement for others transform into a night of comparison, dissatisfaction, and discouragement with myself. Upon leaving the ceremony, congratulating dozens of people (and likewise, receiving congratulations from dozens), I began to conscientiously become aware of the comparisons that I began to make from within. I mostly began to compare myself to a close friend whom graduated last year, a friend whom won three identical awards that I had received last night. I wondered, "What was she recognized for? What did she do that I did not? Whom has really made the greatest contributions to Albright?"
So, I'm significant to Albright's community because I received a "Gold A?"
I think awards ceremonies are ironically somewhat counter-productive. One one hand, they permit an opportunity to recognize students whom have greatly influenced their community. On the other hand, people whom don't receive the awards question their contributions to the college, seeing that they didn't receive a reward to recognize it.
I wonder how that affects people's self esteem.
I know that not receiving an award would tear mine apart.
Yikes, that's not healthy.
Someone once told me that we don't need to worry about trying to save the world.
Jesus has already done that for us.
Sometimes, when my world gets so caught up in ceremonies, graduations, and honors banquets, it's easy to forget where my true worth comes from: my relationship with Christ. This year more than ever before, I've grown to accept, understand, and cherish the love God has for me, the intention in which he's created me, and the specific gifts that he's given (or not given) me. Yet, sometimes, I can't help but notice how it's so much easier, so much more tangible, so much more believable to hold up a plaque or an award or a giant check and say, "I'm worthy to be recognized because _______________ (fill in the blank)."
Moments like these challenge me. I am so proud to have been recognized for my efforts at Albright. I love my alma mater and its community deeply. Yet, I must realize that my time in college will pass, much sooner than later. My awards will eventually yellow, the shine on my plaques will eventually fade, and eventually (probably sooner than later, too) my reward money will be all spent.
After all, those awards are just things.
What will never fade nor squander is the recognition, the love, and the admiration that I receive from my Creator. Sure, the recognition may not be so easily tangible nor easy to believe at the really hard times but it will never fade. I am left to eternity knowing I am a "very, very good," one-of-a-kind, 5'3," loud, energetic, and enthusiastic-Melissa Marie Jaworski-creation of God.
"...for we are God's masterpiece..." (NLT)
God's masterpiece.
Created intentionally to be used by Him.
For eternity.
So, what's the big deal with this Gold A?
I'm honored.
But, my treasures are heaven-bound.
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