As an extrovert, I adore conferences. I love the amounts of people, I love the energy, I love how worship, talks, activities, and "hang out" time events are planned 100x "bigger" than usual weekly meetings.
And when I think big, I dream of hundreds, even thousands attending one conference.
Yet, what I love-and what challenges me- about InterVarsity's conferences are that they're normally not larger than 100 students, if that. Even with 5 different campuses attending, we had less than this number. And yet, I found the opportunity, community, and authenticity develop and dwell within the group of staff and students whom gathered together in the cabin.
Because of the size of our group, we were able to experience powerful worship where, when singing together, we sounded as if there were hundreds of us, yet when glancing to the left or right, you couldn't help but smile at the genuine intimacy shared in the worship experience. Even more, when it came time to "express yourself" with clapping, dancing, and throwing your hands up to God, no one was afraid to act. I must admit that conference has been one of the most vivid circumstances in which I recall not thinking twice about "what my friends will think" when dancing and throwing my arms up to God.
Because of the size of our group, we were able to engage in activities in which we gathered together to experience scripture. When discussing John 2 and Jesus' turning water into wine, we decorated the entire basement with 908 paper cut outs of wine bottles to represent the 180 gallons in the Jewish purification jars. Later that night, we celebrated Jesus' promise that "he unexpectedly provides the best and the most" by dancing to Jewish music with 40 people in a giant circle, creating a nine foot-long banana split, and playing twister with 15 different twister boards. Crowded, yet intimate.
Because of the size of our group, we were able to reflect on how "Jesus always sees us" no matter where we're at in life-good or bad-not only individually, but in small groups. We were able to spend genuine time sharing and praying in those groups, and then even prayed for people who made decisions as a larger group.
Experiencing Jesus within this group-truly experiencing Jesus within this group has influenced my thoughts about "conference sizes."
Yet, as I'm always imagining my future and seeking critical interests in others whom share my passions, I could not ignore the observations I recorded concerning the conferees speakers. The speakers were a married couple, both very talented at their gift of communicating, whom reach us students in a variety of ways; humor, emotions, both! While listening their approaches, considering their prep time, and fascinating at their abundance of stories, I began to wonder, "How would I feel speaking at a conference with 70 students? Is that impressive? What does it say about your talent as a speaker? Should I even be thinking about that? Do they even think about that? What's wrong with me?"
Too many times I get caught up in this idea of "big."
Especially when it comes to thinking about my future.
And why do I really love "big" anyway? Is it because I love that so many people are being invited to "come and see" Jesus? Or is it because my experience of "big" creates a false illusion of worth, value, and uniqueness?
Guilty: #2.
As an extrovert, I'm energized by massive amounts of people. Yet, in my journey of self-discovery and understanding how God's wired me to serve in my future, I need to be authentic in my love and desire to one day be apart of "big events." Whether that means being on staff at a big church, speaking at big conferences, or becoming a part of an international ministry, it means realizing that I'm not who I am because of the size of the events that I speak at. I'm who I am because of the one I choose to speak about while at these events.
And as I learned this weekend, as I continue on this "quest" to know Jesus better,"
Jesus promises that he will unexpectedly provide the best and the most (John 2).
Jesus sees me all the time and loves me anyway (John 4).
Jesus has invited me to "come and see" life with him (John 1).
And whether BIG or small, size indifferent, I'm being called to somehow- whether by speaking, teaching, or serving-invite others to do the same.
"Come and see."
Not to come and hear me, Melissa Jaworski.
But to come and see Jesus, the living God.
1 comment:
so cool.
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